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Preconceptions as an Obstacle to Exploring Kink

As I've been joyfully engaging in a new relationship where I've been discovering a profound appreciation of several kinks I didn't think were quite for me, I've been forced to reflect on the ways in which my implicit assumptions about the shapes and borders of those kinks became obstacles to self-discovery.

They became obstacles even though those preconceptions were not formed with any sort of value judgement attached to them. My assumptions about those kinks had been made simply on the level of trying to understand what those kinks looked like and what the thrill of them might be for the people who enjoyed them, not as any sort of positive or negative value judgement about them.

A particular example of this that stuck out to me was a discussion about orgasm control. My preconceptions were that orgasm control involved denying a partner orgasms for days and days out of sadistic glee, and it hadn't even occurred to me that wanting to tease someone and make them wait …

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Voyeurism and the Transitive Enjoyment of Kinks

I've been wanting to blog about my ability to transitively enjoy my partners' kinks (so long as they don't bump up against any of my limits) for a while now, and I finally realized that there was basically no way I could talk about the subject without also talking about my enjoyment of …

Power Exchange as Leading and Being Led

I've always struggled with some of the ideas and assumptions that seemed to surround power exchange in kink as I encountered it online. Specifically, I've never been able wrap my head around the assumptions I see getting made about specific sexual acts being intrinsically dominant or submis…

Attending my First Kink Worshop

While I've been interested in various kinks for years, and have explored several of them with my partner @DallaHalla, neither of us had really interacted much with the local kink community, attended any kink workshops, or been to a munch. When we saw on Twitter that Andrea Zanin would be leadin…

Why am I an Exhibitionist?

First I want to thank The Joy as it Flies for inspiring me and encouraging me to create a blog where I can go on at length about various topics relating to sex, kink & polyamory that pique my interest. Without her own Twitter account and blog serving as inspiration, it is unlikely that this blo…